I have spent most of my life trying to be cool.  Since the majority of the time I feel like a moron, I often over-compensate and try too hard to fit in, making me look even more ridiculous.  It’s a vicious cycle that I have come to terms with.  Well, I had come to terms with it…until I had kids.

Use whatever word you choose:  silly, ridiculous, stupid, goofy, awkward, embarrassing.  Any of those words can describe the way I have always felt about myself, but you would have to add them all together to illustrate what I have become now that I am a father. 

I have gone from telling corny jokes and being the guy that will take one bite of anything to the dad that would rather sing, dance, and play dress up than watch a ball game or go fishing.  But out of the all of the embarrassing things I do with and for my children, I never feel more absurd than when I have to spell out words to put one over on a three year old.

Of course, the reason I spell words out is so my wife and I can discuss things without our children knowing what we are talking about.  Sometimes we don’t want our kids to get too excited about something before we are ready to do it.  “It’s a nice day, maybe we should go to the p-a-r-k after dinner.”  Other times we are trying to avoid confusing or scaring the kids.  “Avery has an appointment with the doctor on Monday, and she is due for more s-h-o-t-s.”  But there are also instances when we do it to protect them. 

As I study the Bible, spend time in prayer, and listen to fellow believers share their experiences, I feel as though the more I learn about the character of God the more there is for me to learn.  I am becoming more and more aware of the fact that the finite potential of my brain cannot comprehend all that He is. 

I don’t think that He is intentionally withholding information as some part of game.  I don’t think He is selfishly keeping things from us because it helps Him feel more powerful.  I think it is more like He is spelling out words like I do with my kids. 

While I doubt He feels as goofy about doing it as I do, I believe it makes perfect sense.  He says and does things in ways that we cannot understand to keep us from getting confused and scared.  He understands how little control we have over our feelings, so He is discreet about things to help us keep our emotions in check.  He does not completely reveal Himself or His plan to us because He wants to protect us.

So as I grow and mature in my faith, I become more comfortable with the fact that I am not meant to know everything.  I am also starting to realize that I don’t want to know everything.  God is in control, and that is all that I need to know.

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