So, as scary as it may be, it seems like a zombie apocalypse may be inevitable. And it is vital that we are all prepared. While the basic survival rules for such an event can be found here, I believe that we should also be aware of our Christian responsibilities in a zombie (or walker) infested environment. While this list is a working document and nowhere near exhaustive, here are a few things to keep in mind.
1. Zombies are not vampires. – In vampire movies, Christians usually try to survive by keeping the undead at bay with their crosses and holy water. Unfortunately, that doesn’t work with our zombie friends. Unless you use the cross as a weapon, it will do you no good when a walker is coming at you and trying to eat your face.
2. Understand the sixth commandment. – “You shall not murder.” The Bible is very clear about this. You should not unlawfully take the life of another human being. However, if I am clear on the definition of zombie, they are no longer human beings. Actually, they are not really alive. So, if you ask me, taking down a walker in self-defense is completely justified. And if you want to survive and pursue countless dead ends of cures and safe houses, then you may have to drop a zombie or two.
3. Keep your head on a swivel when you are in The Witness Zone. – I get it, when you are trying to lead somebody to Christ you have to be completely focused. However, if a horde of zombies is ripping your limbs off, you will be doing very little to spread the gospel. So do me a favor, just make sure you remain aware of your surroundings, and maybe spend most of your time in the middle of a football field where nothing can sneak up on you.
4. Baptism in Aquafina – Just because the world is plagued by a virus that is likely to eliminate humanity, that does not mean that we should stop being obedient. Of course new believers should still be baptized. However, while most zombie productions leave out the fact that all fresh water supplies are likely contaminated, you should avoid creeks, rivers, ponds, and lakes at all costs. That is not to mention the fact that you should avoid all faucet water because it likely comes from a common water source that could also be contaminated. What does that leave? You guessed it: bottled water.
Based on my understanding of the Bible, baptism by full immersion in water best represents what the early Christians and Jesus Himself did. Yet, since I'm sure bottled water will be in short supply, I'd say you'd be good to go ahead and sprinkle.
5. Share your ear buds. – Unless you are super cool and you rock those colorful Dr. Dre headphones, you probably listen to music through ear buds. At least that’s what I see most of the kids doing nowadays. Either way, in a zombie apocalypse type situation, you need to make sure you ONLY listen to your worship music through ear buds.
It seems that the walking dead are attracted to noise since they usually find food nearby. So it is vital that you are as quiet as possible when rocking out to Todd Agnew. (If you do not currently rock out to Todd Agnew, stop reading this and go download some of his stuff immediately.) Additionally, DO NOT PLUG UP BOTH OF YOUR EARS. If you have an ear bud in each ear, you are stupid and deserve to be eaten by zombies. Share the love and share your worship music with a friend. That way you can work together to avoid an ambush.
6. Pray with your eyes open. – Believe it or not, there seems to be no scripture commanding us to close our eyes when we pray. Actually, there are several Bible passages that talk about praying with your eyes lifted to heaven. So, in a world where clumsy, grunting zombies somehow display amazing amounts of stealth, I would say that you need to find a happy medium where you can focus on God and still be able to notice a horde in the distance. Since praying with your eyes open is in the Bible and it could save you from walkers, I’d say that’s what they call a win-win.
7. Share in everything. – While I’m still a little blurry on the line between pillaging to survive and habitual thievery, I’m pretty sure than anything left abandoned is up for grabs. After all, the first Christians essentially put everything they owned in a big pile and took as they had need. That sounds like it would be a perfect model to follow in the event of a zombie apocalypse. In fact, I believe that everyone still alive after the initial epidemic is safe to operate under the finders keepers principle.
Like I said, this is not an exhaustive list. I'm sure there are many other Christian-specific situations that will present themselves when the virus starts to spread. Are there any other rules you can think of that Christians should keep in mind after the zombies take over?